A Cheesy Metaphor for Love Gone Sour

A lemon loved a brick of cheese

She said, “I want to kiss you please!

But maybe you can give me tips…

To start, I cannot find your lips.”

The brick of cheese did not reply

The lemon wondered, “Why oh why

Does he not show the lips he’s got?”

But then the lemon had a thought

She squeezed her juice into a cup

And made the cheese brick drink it up

Which worked—the cheese had just two sips

And puckered—which revealed his lips!

Then lemon cried, “Oh, darling, oh!”

She kissed the cheese brick soft and slow

And love is nothing, if not this:

All squeezed dry for one sweet kiss.

An Organ-Meat Lover Named Roffle

An organ-meat lover named Roffle

Spread liver paté on his waffle

He ate tripe by the pile

And drank glassfuls of bile

But I think that his diet is offal.

The Importance of Parentage

There once was a fellow from Munich

Whose was born of a nun and a eunuch

It was just due to this

That he didn’t exist

That unfortunate fellow from Munich

A Grumbling Rumble

There once was a rumble who grumbled:

“What kind of a rumble am I?

Am I rumble-of-oncoming-subway?

Or rumble-of-thunder-in-sky?

Am I rumble-of-man’s-empty-tummy?

Or rumble-of-wheels-on-a-tram?

Perhaps I’m just rumble-of-grumble

Since I’m grumbling, I guess that I am.”

A Boy in a Teapot

There once was a boy in a teapot

I didn’t know why he was there

I opened the lid of the teapot

And spotted the little boy’s hair

“Hey!” said the boy, “Can you help me?”

I heard his small voice through the spout

I tugged on his hair to extract him

But his head was too big to come out

I said, “I will go fetch a hammer…

There’s one in the basement, I’ve heard.”

But while I searched beneath, the boy used his teeth

And pecked his way out like a bird.