A Merry Little Frogmas

'No Christmas this year,' I said to myself

'Screw Christmas. Bah humbug. Good grief.'

I cancelled my parties, tossed out the tree

And fed my dog all the roast beef.

I went out on my own for a walk in the snow

Through the frost-feathered meadows and hills

My mittens had holes and my socks were too thin

And I very soon shivered with chills

I blew into my hands to feel warmth from my breath

And rested a bit on a log

Then blinked 'cause I couldn't believe what I saw:

A tinsel-clad, caroling frog!

His neck was adorned with a string of white lights

A Santa hat topped his green head

Crimson tinsel encircled his slimy webbed feet

He was decked out in all green and red

"Have yourself a merry little frogmas

Let your heart be light

From now on, your troubles will be out of sight"

He warbled the song with a voice like clogged drains

Croaked so loud he was red in the face

You could tell all that belting was giving him pains

His voice leapt between tenor and bass.

And although I was grumpy and feeling remote

The sight of that frog made me smile

Despite the cacophonous croaks of his throat

And his skin tone's resemblance to bile.

In fact, I was even inspired to sing

Along with that off-pitch old frog

"Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow"

Our voices combined like a reindeer-drawn sleigh

In a wreck with a tractor-drawn plough

And once we'd concluded our cocktail of notes

The song finished off with ker-plop

Too shy or embarrassed to give me his name

The frog disappeared in the slop.

As soon as he left, I remembered again

The chill in my fingers and toes

The sky was beginning to powder my head

And frost nipped the tip of my nose

"So long, you old crooner," I said to the frog

When I heard myself speak, I felt silly

I thought to myself, "Was that frog really there?"

But saw tinsel threads left on the lily.

Once back in my house I ate green beans and toast

Since I'd given my dog the roast meat

Then I mended my mittens, so when next I went out

My hands could withstand snow and sleet.

I spent yuletide alone, but un-grumpy I felt

And when coworkers asked how I fared

I said I had "a merry little frogmas."

Some of them smiled. Some just stared.

The Snowman's Bride

The snowman's bride was six feet tall

A corncob pipe she sometimes smoked

She wore a tattered woven shawl

Her chest contained an artichoke

Said vegetable had been there placed

Because of her child-builder's quirk

He thought snow-people needed hearts

And that an artichoke would work

He built, of course, the counterpart

To this tall bride of icy white

A snowman with a hat and scarf

Just shy of his fair bride in height

But oh when this child-builder went

To steal a second artichoke

His mother said, "Oh no you don't! I need that!"

And she slapped the bloke

The boy, crestfallen, knew his groom

Could sport no heart of artichoke

And used an acorn shell instead

Which lay beside the yard's fine oak

And so their love unequal was

With love much stronger in the bride

And weaker in the groom, because

His heart was just an acorn's hide

And so the groom, when sun did shine

Stayed strong and tall and didn't melt

Was kept alive by that strong love

That his enduring bride had felt

But she herself, who was not loved

To same degree, did melt away

And that was worse, for soon

The stolen vegetable was on display

"You stole an artichoke to make

A snowman!" shouted child's mum

"Snow-woman," child-builder said

His mum thought, "He's obscenely dumb."

Meanwhile, the snow-groom melted down

To just hat, scarf and acorn shell

The squirrels stole and ate his heart

Which in the end was just as well.