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He used to be a nightclub bouncer
But now, he’s the Pope!
He prefers you avoid abortion
He prefers that you don’t smoke dope
You can like his papal pictures
On his Instagram account
If you’re currently sodomizing
He prefers that you dismount
He meets with the sick and dying
Like the hemophiliacs
But requires that the host have gluten
(So sorry, celiacs.)
He called Trump ‘not a Christian’
Trump called him ‘a disgrace’
But they grinned and kept it classy
When they both met face-to-face
He cares about the climate
And he cares about the poor
But when women ask for priesthood
He shows them to the door
He auctioned off his Harley
For a homeless charity
And he blessed a gang of bikers
With complete sincerity
You can buy his special pope beads
At blessedrosaries.com
He is fond of touching babies
With his holy papal palm
If I ever heard him sneezing
I would quickly say, ‘Bless you’
‘Cuz I’d secretly be jonesin’
That he’d answer ‘bless you too.’
