Fear of Bubbles

I’m terrified of bubbles

The awful way they gleam

The horrid popping sound they make

It makes me want to scream

I can’t stand watching fish exhale

Or babies blow their spit

And carbonated sodas

Make me nearly throw a fit

Just thinking about hot tubs

Makes me whimper like a pup

I don’t even bathe or shower

In case bubbles might show up

But what I don’t get is why

The others hate me for my fear

Why do they hold their nose and run

Whenever I come near?

I found a ghost

I found a ghost, loitering
I feared
from his blank look, slouch, and drool
that he was stark raving bonkers;
but to be sure, I asked him
“Has your brain turned to mush?”
He replied: “Mush, mush!” giggled, and clapped.
So that’s how I knew.

Preferences

There once was a man with a key
Who set the zoo animals free
Except for the trout
Who said, "Don't let me out!
I prefer my small tank to the sea."

I've Been Needing Some Glue For My Gnu

I've been needing some glue for my gnu
'Cause my gnu is infected with flu
Yes, he gave such a cough
That his horns fell right off
And without them he's miserably blue

A Man With No Hands Named McHeath

A man with no hands named McHeath
Has a terrible itch on his feet
Like a kitten whose knees
Have been bitten by fleas
He scratches his itch with his teeth

Telling the Truth and In Case I Die

Telling the Truth

“I walk my dog in rain or shine,” brags Mrs. Poppentoe
But her poor dog’s fat, and why is that?
She lives where they only get snow.

In Case I Die

put the "fun" in funeral.
everyone must read Ogden Nash.
i want there to be a streaker.
put a roller coaster on my grave
and invite
the friendly millipedes
and beautiful earthworms.

Milo's Silo

there was a man named milo
he had a big grain silo
the grain was miles high-oh
the grain in milo's silo
the people came to buy-oh
the grain in milo's silo
the barley, wheat and rye-oh
that was in milo's silo
but then around july-oh
poor milo he did cry-oh
and why did milo cry-oh?
the rats got in the grain!

chorus:
the rats got in the grain!
why de do dat?
rats get hungry too!
how de do dat?
snuck in through a hole!
where da hole at?
bottom of the grain!

(repeat)