The bloodthirsty mistletoe nutcracker tinsel wolf

The bloodthirsty mistletoe nutcracker tinsel wolf
He lives inside of your brain
He wants to eat your brain
You should get him out
You will need a special kind of surgery 

You called and had the surgery?
Great! That means you’re safe.
But others are NOT safe!

Pook pook pook

Eggnog

Holy crap eggnog!

You handsome.

You gotta date to the prom?

You and me, eggnog

We goin’ places

We special

I can just picture it, eggnog

The two of us

Holdin’ hands

You’d introduce me to your yolks

They’d look me over

“You approve, poppa?” you’d ask

And he’d nod; poppa egg nog nod

And you’d be mine

Maybe We Have It All Wrong

A novel wrote a woman

And the woman sure was grateful

‘Cause she’d tried to write a novel

And she’d found it bloody hateful.

So she paid the novel richly

With the money from her purse

And said: “This is how it should be done.

And never in reverse.”

Knower's Lament

There once was a man who supposed

That he knows that he knows what he knows

But did not think it equally true

That he knew that he knew what he knew

He lamented: “If only the past

Didn’t swallow the present so fast.”

The Brain Inside the All of it All

Your brain cells are carefully packed

And your thoughts are all chemical rhythms

But the all of it all is intact

And your thoughts are the light from its prism.

And it’s fine to observe your own brain

And pretend that you’re breathing your breath

‘Cause the all of it all will remain

When the ego dissolves upon death.

And though physically you will decay

Like some meat that was left on the shelf

There was never a ‘you’ that could stay
‘Cause the real you goes on of itself.

The day it rained mayonnaise

The day it rained mayonnaise

We all took our sandwiches out

Open-faced

And got too much

George's Sensible Decision

“But Pa!” George said, “Max Buggaloops
Can train a frog to jump through hoops!
And Fritzbeam Grog Garoompa-Rums
Taught hamsters how to play the drums!
And Arnie Mitch Fortuffen-Fee
Trained gerbils how to waterski!"
“Okay,” said Pa. “But guess what’s more?
They eke out livings, boy! They’re poor!
Just how much does Max Buggaloops
Make every year with frogs and hoops?”
George said, “Well, Pa, that may be true…
What is it you think I should do?”
“I think that you should drop the thing!”
Pa said. “Stop training fleas to sing!
Quit teaching toads to dance the jig!
Stop putting bowties on the pig!
Quit buying skateboards for the mice!
Stop teaching squirrels to juggle dice!”
George bowed his head. “Okay then, Pa.”
He sold his pets and studied law.