The Consequences of the Fact that Ralph was Playing in the Yard Earlier that Day

One day, when Ralph was just about seven

He asked his granny what happens in heaven

“Well honey,” said Granny. “There ain’t no sin.

People’s pants are ironed and their shirts are tucked in.

There ain’t no rock music and there ain’t no tattoos.

And there sure ain’t no cigarettes, cussin’ or booze.

Nobody ever stays out too late

Or eats food past the expiration date.

The girls never wear their skirts too short

And they all gets As on their grade report

Nobody dances too close together

And there’s never a chance of inclement weather.

Nobody’s born and nobody croaks

And nobody tells no off-color jokes

Nobody fights and no one gets hurt

And nobody’s fingernails ever have dirt.”

Ralphie looked down at his hands and said “Well..

From the looks of it, Granny, I’m going to hell.”