The Final Ablution

I knew a potato named Doyle

Who noticed his skin had got soiled

He bathed in a pot

Which we turned up to hot

And then ate the poor gentleman broiled.

Old Man Sitting on Park Bench

When the pigeon perceived me
Just what did he see?
Does he know that I’m breathing?
Did he recognize me?

Did he notice my hair?
Or my soft, wistful mood?
Did he see a potential
Dispenser of food?

Did he see me as threatening?
Did he see me as kind?
Did he think I was cute?
Was he reading my mind?

Did he see me, perhaps
As a pigeon as well?
Does he know I’m a man?
Do you think he could tell?

Did he see that I’m old?
Did he see that I’m tall?
Or maybe he just
Didn’t see me at all

The Halloween Grinch

Beware the Halloween Grinch

He really is the worst

He shows up every year

Around October 31^st

He goes around to every house

And steals all the treats

Replacing them with collard greens

(Such nasty things to eat!)

He blows lights out of pumpkins

And he tears down spider webs

And before it’s even 8 p.m.

He sends the kids to bed

He banishes the ghouls and ghosts

And locks bats in their caves

He sends the zombies and

The skeletons back to their graves

He scrapes caramel off the apples

And paints the black cats white

He even shoots down witches

As they fly across the night

He rips the masks off children

And he edits horror flicks

And he empties out the sugar

Out of all the pixie sticks

He coats the streets with garlic

Keeping vampires at bay

And he’ll cover up the moon

So that the werewolves stay away

He’ll steal your toilet paper

So you can’t commit a prank

And he'll board up haunted houses

Using nails and a plank

And if your face is painted

He’ll scrub it clean with suds

And he steals all the ketchup

So you can’t make costume blood

With him around, the frights are gone

You’ll have no chance to scream

And that’s why he’s so horrible—

The Grinch of Halloween

The Teeter Second

It only takes a second

To teeter on a wall

That tiny teeter-second

And it’s right before you fall

The second can be split

Or the second can be flat

1 Mississipi’s all you got

Before you go ka-plat.

Herb in Esrevni Dnal

Herb McFee goes walking down

A something known as “Wall”

But is he there inside his head?

No, he’s not there at all

Inside his head he’s scampered off

To the land Esrevni Dnal.

In this strange land, the grass is blue

And grass-green are the skies

But Herbie can’t see anything

Unless he shuts his eyes

The sun is shining brightly

Which makes surroundings dim

And Herbie is annoyed

That all the trees are climbing him

So Herb jumps in a pond

Where swimming makes him dry

Then he’s overwhelmed with happiness

And begins to whine and cry

So he takes a boat across the land

And a train across a lake

Where he finds a lot of healthy food

Like jellybeans and cake

Then it’s 9 a.m., and the sun goes down

And Esrevni Dnal is still

And Herbie walks until he sees

A wall stuck in a hill

He wants to walk on top of it

So he runs across the lawn

Then he jumps on the wall in Esrevnie Dnal

And falls off the wall he’s on.