I woke up late this morning
Feeling strange as strange can be
For I was floating on a turnip
In the middle of the sea
The purple sea had gentle waves
And veggies bobbed along
Like pumpkins, peppers and celery sticks
And the turnip I was on
“Excuse me,” I said, to no one at all
“But why am I not in my house?”
Then you wouldn’t believe what crawled out of my ear—
A tiny crimson mouse!
“I’m so sorry, so sorry!” the crimson mouse cried
“You see…I’m your Pilot of Dreams.
But I've made a mistake, and oh, what a mess
You woke up in the middle it seems!”
“You’re in charge of my dreams?!” I blurted aloud
“Why—I must be completely insane!
A rodent controls my somnolent world?
My dreams aren’t produced by my brain?”
“Of course not, my dear,” the rodent replied
“Nighttime is rest-time for your brain.
Dream Pilots take over the unconscious work
Don’t worry—we’re very well trained.
You’ve got buttons and levers inside of your head
And I can control every one
If I push the red button, you’ll dream you’re a queen
But the blue one will make you a nun
If I press the pink pedal, you’ll dream you’re a moose
Who has landed on top of the moon
While the lavender button will give you a dream
In which you’re a hairy baboon
If I press the black buzzer and have my toes crossed
You’ll dream about amorous weasels
And if I uncross my toes but wink my left eye
You’ll dream you’ve contracted the measles
Remember the dream you recently had
In which you arrived at church nude?
That was when I cranked up The Embarrassment Dial
I apologize, ma’am—that was rude
And what if I turn the sparkly green key?
Why, you’ll dream you’re a hideous troll
But if while I turn it, I cry: “Splishy splash!”
You’ll dream you’re a fish in a bowl
If I pull the white knob, you’ll dream you’re a sock
Spinning circles around in the dryer
And if I pull the same knob three times with my tail
You’ll dream you’re a French fritter fryer
But if I press all the buttons, and yank all the cords
And I shift from sixteenth to twelfth gear
Then you’ll dream that you’re on a turnip boat
With a mouse that climbed out of your ear.”
