There are, of course, an awful lot
Of funny gods and deities
And in this poem I’ll introduce
Approximately three of these.
To start, there is the God of Sun
Who turns his light bulb on and off
And in his free time listens to
Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninoff.
And then there is the God of Wind
The gusts and breezes are his toys
But when he’s eaten Taco Bell
He’s prob’ly one you should avoid.
The God of Oceans is the chap
Who makes the waves go in and out
He has control of all the fish
From great blue whales to rainbow trout.
And though that’s three, there’s one god more
Whose powers, to be fair, are moot
He’s called the Two Bananas God
And carries pairs of yellow fruit.
Well, these four gods, as it turns out
Were neighbors on Utz Spaga Street
And at the local theist club
The four of them would weekly meet.
The God of Sun would always start
By showing off what he could do
“See that woman in her car?” he’d ask
“The one right there that’s dressed in blue?”
The other gods would nod
And he’d say, “Take a look, you guys!”
And make the sun shine brightly
Straight into the woman’s eyes.
The sunlight made the woman squint
She screamed, “I fear I cannot see!”
And panicked, turned the wheel
And drove into a large oak tree.
The three gods watched the woman crash
And laughed a hearty laugh, each one
“A splendid joke!” they cried aloud
“You’re quite a trickster, God of Sun!”
And then it was the Wind God’s turn
To play along in the charades
He picked his victim carefully:
A Kansas girl with pigtail braids
He said, “Watch this!” and blew his winds
A grand tornado he did cause
His mighty gusts swept up the girl
And blew her and her braids to Oz.
“Terrific!” cried the gods, “What joy!
And what a funny braided kid!”
Just Two Bananas didn’t laugh
But then again, he never did.
“It’s my turn!” said the Ocean God
He’d already picked his victim out:
A Bluebry Island surfer boy
Named Lemon Jimmy Huffer Snout.
“That’s there’s the one!” said Ocean God
“Let’s hope the fellow’s somewhat brave.”
The four gods watched and saw a fin
Appear above the ocean waves.
Poor Lemon saw the shark fin too
He whimpered like a cornered pup
The jaws approached and very soon
The surfer boy was gobbled up.
The gods began guffawing
Bursting out in rowdy hoots
Except for one—who peeled and ate
Two simple yellow fruits.
“Well, that was fun,” said Oceans God
“But gosh, my skin feels dry.”
“My head hurts,” said the God of Wind
“It’s time to say goodbye.”
And so they left the theist club
And went their separate ways
With three of them affected
By a feeling of malaise.
The next week all four met again
To show pranks--each by turn
The Oceans God performed a flood
And Sun God gave sunburns.
The Wind God caused a hurricane
Which killed a boy named Barber Newt
But Two Bananas merely sat
And ate two simple yellow fruits.
And though the three gods laughed
They felt quite weak and rather ill
The God of Sun had muscle cramps
And Oceans God had chills.
The next week when they met again
They had no mood for fun
The Wind God’s face was full of zits
And Sun God had the runs.
The Wind God said, “No games today.
My face is full of pus
Let’s google all our symptoms
And find out what’s wrong with us.”
They looked at many illnesses
From hives to blood leukemia
But in the end, they learned they had
Acute hypokalemia.
“Paralysis is next!” they cried
“And then our deaths are fast to come.
And all because we didn’t eat
Enough potassium.”
The gods all wailed and sobbed aloud
And pulled their hair out from the roots
Except for one, who merely sat
And ate two simple yellow fruits.
