I throwed my lover down a well
And listened to ‘er drown
I wish I didn’t, but I did
And then I fled the town.
I moved into another state
Where no one knowed my name
But met another lover there
And—oops!—I did the same.
Tarnation! Two gals down a well!
That sure warn’t very wise
I left that city, moved again
And buyed a good disguise.
But shucks, the mask I buyed myself
Made me look right attractive
So then a lover came to me
Although I warn’t proactive.
I hate to say I drowned ‘er
But I did, just like the others
And then I flew the coop, ‘cause
She had six pig-angry brothers!
Those brothers chased me ‘round the state
But I was quick, by gum!
And they warn’t awful smart, in fact
The eldest sucked his thumb.
So they gave up, and I had
All the countryside to roam
“I am a travelin’ man,” I said
“Who lives without a home.”
But shucks, the roamers in the world
Are gals as well as men
And ‘fore I snapped my fingers
I was datin’ Jenny Wren.
“Oh Jenny gal,” I telled her
“I’m officially forbiddin’
This romance to continue
Or I’ll drown ya, I ain’t kiddin’.”
“I drowns my lovers too!” she said
“You does?” I said, “That’s great!”
But turned out, she was kiddin’
And by then, it was too late.
Well, curse my boots! Four lovers drowned!
Ain’t that a nasty habit!
I wished I’d been a smoker
Or a gamblin’ man, dagnabbit!
And so I said at that point
“Shucks, I’m goin’ ta see a shrink!”
And that I did, and he said:
“Find a gal who doesn’t sink!”
“A gal who doesn’t sink!?” I said
“Well, that’s a load of phoeey!”
But then it hit me: “Hey! Why don’t
I buy myself a buoy?”
I thinked of what would happen then
And shaked myself with laughter
“I’ll toss the gal first down the well,
And toss the buoy after!”
And that, my friends, is what I does
And, golly, it’s worked swell!
Except, just once or twice…
When there warn’t water in the well.
