I found an old owl nestled up in my fridge
He was nibbling on ham bones and jam
“Who are you? What are you?” I asked, and he squawked:
“I’m a fridge owl! Indeed, that I am!”
Then the fridge owl proceeded to open a jar
With a powerful twist of his talon
“You’ll be needing more jam,” he said calmly. “At least
Three more quarts. Or, more likely, a gallon.”
“Now hold it!” I said. “I work hard for my jam!
You can’t eat it! Why, you’re just a bird!”
But the fridge owl just buried his beak in the jam
And pretended that he hadn’t heard.
“You get out!” I said then. “This is my fridge and house!
And the stealing of food I forbid!”
“Buy more jam,” said the owl, “and more ham bones as well.”
And the funny part is, well, I did.
I drove off to the store like a man in a trance
And I bought jam and bones, just because
The fridge owl had told me to. Boy, it was strange!
I almost forgot who I was.
Then when I got back, I re-opened the fridge
And the fridge owl was there, pleased as punch
“A-ha!” he exclaimed. “More ham bones and jam!
Those will do very well for my lunch!”
I nodded, half-dazed, as I put in the food
And the fridge owl pulled shut the fridge door
Then my head felt all fuzzy and woozy and odd
So I curled up and napped on the floor.
When I finally woke up, I thought: “Fridge owl?!
Good grief! That must have been part of a dream!”
But I opened the fridge, and you know what I saw?
That darn bird, with its claws in the cream!
“I sometimes like cream,” said the owl, “But ham bones
And jam, well, I like those
the most.”
“But what about me?”
I cried, “What do I eat?”
And the owl said, “Cold juice and hot toast.”
“I do like hot
toast,” I said, licking my lips
And the owl found the bread and said, “Here.
You should heat up the griddle and toast it on that.
Go on, do it! You’ve nothing to fear.”
That did not sound half bad, and my stomach agreed
It was time for a good evening meal
So I toasted the bread and drank grape juice, ice-cold
And the fridge owl asked, “How do you feel?”
“Much better,” I said, and the fridge owl said, “Good.”
And he clawed off another jar’s lid
“I’ll be here eating jam,” he said. “You go to bed.”
“Yes, fridge owl,” I said, and I did.
In the morning, I opened the fridge for some milk
“Not milk!” clucked the owl. “Worse than candy!
Have cold grape juice and hot griddle toast,” he proclaimed.
“And see if you don’t feel just dandy.”
I had grape juice and hot griddle toast, like he said
And I felt sudden vigor and pep
“Cold grape juice and hot griddle toast!” I declared
“Why, it puts such a spring in my step!”
When I came home for lunch, the owl had already
Heated the toast on the griddle
I washed it all down with cold grape juice and felt
Once again, just as fit as a fiddle!
When I came home for dinner, the owl declared:
“More cold grape juice and hot toast for you!
Then you’ll sleep like a baby, and wake feeling fresh!”
And by gum, it turned out to be true!
For the rest of the month, ice cold grape juice and toast
Was all that the owl recommended
At the end of each meal, he asked, “How do you feel?”
And the truth was I felt bloody splendid!
My relatives noticed a change in my health
Especially my Great Aunt Marlene
“You’re glowing!” she said. “Have you fallen in love?
You’re as healthy and stout as a bean!”
“You must get a
fridge owl,” I told Aunt Marlene
“What?! That doesn’t sound real!” Auntie said
“Oh he is,” I
insisted, “Come over and see!
He’s as real as the hat on my head!”
So I took Auntie home and I opened the fridge
“Hello fridge owl!” I said. “Meet Marlene!”
I rifled through food jars and old Ziploc bags
But nowhere could my fridge owl be seen!
Aunt Marlene raised an eyebrow and patted my head
And left without saying a word
So I ran off to purchase more ham bones and jam
In hopes I could lure back my bird.
But the days turned to weeks; jam and ham bones untouched
And the weeks sadly turned into years
“Poor old fridge owl,” I thought, as I sipped on my juice
And my toast became dampened with tears.
For although he was curt and demanding at first
He was easy to please—bones and jam
And the first time he squawked, why, the words echo still:
“I’m a fridge owl! Indeed, that I am!”
