Unicorn Cat

I heard a sad ‘meow’ in the woods near my house

And ran off to see where it led

To my wondrous surprise, I encountered a cat

With a sparkly horn on its head.

Why do you cry, cat? You ought to be glad.

Aren’t you pleased you’ve got such a nice horn?

“No, I am not,” mewed the unicorn cat

I used to be unicorn full

With muscular legs and a glittery mane

And a tail of silver and gold.”

What happened then, cat? You must have transformed.

Were you cursed? Were you punished? Bewitched?

“I’d just learned to fly,” moaned the unicorn cat

“‘Twas the very first time that I flew.

“Fly near to the rainbow,” my mother had said

“But never, don’t ever, fly through.”

What happened then, cat? Did you go very high?

Or get blown by tumultuous wind?

“I flew to the rainbow as quick as I could,”

Said the cat with its mythical prong

“I thought rainbows were silent, but this one was not

It broke into a beautiful song.

Its voice was enchanting; it pierced through my heart

And turned all my muscles to glue

The song had two words, and they echoed like bells:

“Fly through!” sang the rainbow. “Fly through!”

What happened then, cat? Did you manage to flee?

Did the rainbow keep singing its song?

“I pictured my mother: her silver-white face

Her voice saying: Never go through…

But her image went *poof * and then all I could see

Was red, orange, yellow, green, blue.

I passed through the rainbow; the feeling was bliss

The world was a colorful blur

And when I arrived on the arc’s other side

I was tiny and covered in fur.”

What happened then, cat? Did you tumble and fall?

How is it now you’re alive?

“The woods broke my fall, and I landed on leaves

And now all I do is meow

I want to find meaning and joy as a cat

But I’ve honestly no idea how.”

Do you want to be mine? You would be a good pet

I could feed you and polish your horn.

“That won’t work,” said the cat

“I’m a unicorn, see? I must live my life in the sky

I have to be magical, wondrous, and free

But I don’t even think I can fly.”

Have you tried or attempted? Perhaps you still can

With the magic that’s found in your horn

The cat scrunched its face, and made low growling sounds

The strangest I ever have heard

It managed to summon its magic, I guess

‘Cause it flew to the sky like a bird!

It had rained hard that morning, and then there’d been sun

So there now was a rainbow of course

I saw the small kitten fly straight through the red

And I thought it’d emerge as a horse!

Instead it came out as the cat that it was

And so, for a sec, I was sad

It’s no magical horse with a glittering mane

But hey, for a cat, it’s not bad.

Wonkbeast and Blinkworm

Wonkbeast, antlers big as goats

Skin like barnacles on boats

Teeth are yellow, eyes are red

Maggots dwell upon his head

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Blinkworm, handsome, thin and tall

Skin as perfect as a doll

Smells like fresh-baked cakes and sweets

Silver slippers on his feet

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Wonkbeast, shy and good at math

Never learned to take a bath

Stutters when he tries to speak

Hairy wart upon his cheek

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Blinkworm, extroverted, loud

Loves to talk in front of crowds

Drives a brand new Rolls Royce

Has a lovely singing voice

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Wonkbeast, gentle, clumsy, fat

Cooks his oatmeal in a vat

Rescues birds that fall from nests

Knits scum-colored sweater vests

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Blinkworm’s wallet’s full of dough

(Where’d he get that money, though?)

Throws a giant public fair

With circus girls and dancing bears

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Wonkbeast lives to ninety-three

Sits beneath a willow tree

There he sucks his final breath

And, alone, succumbs to death

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast

Blinkworm leaves a paper trail

Of laundered money; goes to jail

But someone with a lot of clout

Proudly bails the blinkworm out

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Wonkbeast’s corpse has turned to dust

Blinkworm dies, as blinkworms must

Hordes of mourners come in waves

To sob upon the blinkworm’s grave

Everyone cries when the blinkworm dies

But none shed a tear for the wonkbeast.

Savior

I danced with you last night
Your hair like polished mangos


Everyone wanted to dance with you also
But you were my treasure


A blood spot on the shoulder of your dress
From where the flying dog had sunk its teeth


You must have smelled like Martian meat
Your space suit was too flimsy for those fangs


I heard your screams and stumbled from the bar
The dog pack turned its vicious snarls to me


You hovered while I laser-gunned those dogs
The heat from your jet boots brought sweat to my neck


You danced with me on earth as my reward
I chose a smoky dance hall in the South


I watched the dogtooth blood spot as we swayed
And only sometimes traveled to the planets of your eyes

A Buddha Very Silly

A Buddha very silly

With a ribbon on his willie

Went a-seeking for some women

Who would play with him croquet.

But the Buddha very silly

Due to ribbon on his willie

When approaching fancy ladies

Sent them scattering away.

Feeling rather under-flattered

‘Cause the women all had scattered

Buddha sighed and sadly juggled

All the balls of his croquet.

Then he heard a sudden giggle

Which provoked his ears to wriggle

And he turned and saw a badger

And he heard the badger say:

“Excuse me, Buddha, sire

But it’s quite hard to acquire

Women who will want to join you

With a ribbon on your dick.

If the garland you remove then

It’s quite likely you’ll improve

Your probabilities and hopes

Of finding croquet partnership.”

“I like you, Mr. Badger,”

said the Buddha. “And I’d wager

That you wouldn’t give advice

If it were not profoundly good.

If I ought not wear this lace

On my most manly body place

Then what should I use to cover

My enlightened sword of flesh?”

“I do opine,” the badger said

“That trousers would be best.”

So the Buddha very silly

Took the ribbon off his willie

Bought some trousers at the market

And walked back into the town

He asked a woman in a dress

And to his pleasure she said yes

Would her friends join? Yes, indeed!

And this reversed the Buddha’s frown.

The partners found a lawn

And played croquet from dusk ‘til dawn

Using special Buddha headlamps

They had bought for just that use.

The Buddha lost the game

But much enjoyed it all the same

And during sunrise, all enjoyed

A lovely picnic of fresh fruits.

Mud Hole in the Desert

I can remember life before this

When I used to eat cauliflower

I went to the desert to observe the rocks

Everything was flat

I stepped into this mud hole to cool off

Got stuck here

Now, for life, I am trapped in the mud

My throat is dry

I sleep during the hottest part of the day

Sometimes the mud boils

I wake up at five p.m.

A blue raven flies overhead, always punctual

The harsh mud-warming sun goes down

I am awake during all of the night

For the first few years, I saw the light-lit sky

A black banquet with so many candles

Then, as my education continued

The sky became a blackboard

And as I could not solve celestial math

The gods erased the stars.

Pantano en el Desierto

Recuerdo la vida antes de esto

Cuando solía comer coliflor

Fui al desierto para ver las rocas

Todo era plano

Entré en este fango para refrescarme

Me hundí

Ahora, y por siempre, estoy en el barro

Tengo sed

Duermo durante la parte mas cálida del día

A veces el barro hierve

Me despierto a las cinco 

Un cuervo azul vuela por encima, siempre puntual

El sol que calienta el barro se baja

Estoy despierto toda la noche

Los primeros años, veía el cielo encendido

Banquete negro con tantas velitas

Después, cuando continuaba mi educación

El cielo se convirtió en tablero

Y como no podía resolver las matemáticas celestes

Los dioses borraron las estrellas.

Moonfetti

The xomwoggler goon

Did ate with a spoon

The multi-hued sprinkles

He found on the moon

That was long time ago

So now nobody dream

That the moon is a scoop

Of funfetti ice cream

Thanks to xomwoggler goon

No one knew, no one knows

Unless, as we speak, the moonfetti re-grows

The Indecision Monster

The indecision monster

Is the meanest one of all

He’s made of murky mushness

And he’s ten or twelve feet tall.

He’s bigger than your want-to

And he’s bigger than your will

And thoughts like: “I shall buy these shoes”

He’ll torture, slash and kill.

He’ll stun you to a statue

When you try to send a text

And set your inner GPS

To ‘address of your ex.’

He’ll make you want to go to Spain

Or maybe write a book

And then his team of ‘don’t elves’

Show up everywhere you look.

The don’t elves sing cacophonies

Of pros, cons, fors, againsts

And when you try to run from them

They strap you on the fence.

You can tape the monster’s mouth shut

And ignore his don’t elf team

But they’ll re-emerge as actors

In a cautionary dream.

This nasty monster traps

Your most assured, decisive thoughts

Then injects them with an equal dose

Of “ought tos” and “ought nots”

You’ll be chewing on your flounder

Thinking: “Should’ve got the steak.”

He’ll make you wobble like a top

‘Round every choice you make.

The more you try to fight him

The more massive he will grow

‘Cause after all he feeds on words

Like “shouldn’t,” “don’t,” and “no.”

You might as well embrace him

Since he’s only made of mush

And as it’s such a shock to him

It often makes him shush.

Mountains of Sugar

Mountains of sugar

Sugary dust

I ate it all up

As a sugar freak must

My eyeballs turned red

And my tongue-skin turned white

I jumped rope on a treadmill

For half of the night

And then I collapsed

And the sugar drained out

Spilled out of my nose

As if it were a spout.

I woke up to find

Piles of sugar with snot

I ate it all up

As a sugar freak ought

With kneecaps a-shaking

And knuckles a-tense

I drilled eighty holes

In the planks of a fence

And then I collapsed

And the sugar I lost it

Poured out of my ear

As if it were a faucet.

I woke up to find

Piles of sugar with wax

I ate it all up

(That’s how sugar freaks act)

My forehead had spasms

My liver went limp

I caught and released

Forty thousand small shrimp

And then I collapsed

And the sugar just stayed

There’s a three-swallow rule

And the sugar obeyed.

I twitched while I slept

And my insulin spiked

But when I woke up

I felt pretty all right.