Who’s the best of all creatures that live in the sea?
The dolphin is, according to me
But my boyfriend insists with obstinate glee
It’s the deep-dwelling bony-eared assfish.
The bony-eared assfish is no beauty queen
It looks like a slug dipped in gray Vaseline
If you ate it, you’d barf (or at least turn dark green)
It's a deep-dwelling bony-eared assfish.
And that’s not its only unfortunate trait
Its brain is the smallest of all vertebrates
I doubt that it's ever been asked on a date
It's a deep-dwelling bony-eared assfish.
And it’s technically ‘eel’, it isn’t a fish
And it'd fit inside of a petri dish
It's also incredibly easy to squish
It's a deep-dwelling bony-eared assfish.
And it can swim fast,
but it’d rather not
If it didn’t live deep, it’d be easily caught
Did I mention it looks like it’s covered in snot?
It's a deep-dwelling bony-eared assfish.
I’d vote for the dolphin any day
And I suspect my boyfriend feels the same way
But 'dolphin' isn’t as fun to say
As: “Deep-dwelling bony-eared assfish.”
