How to Get Away with Being a Baby

Snuggle.
Coo.
Act out or suppress your most diabolical desires.

Babble.
Squirm.
Look flabbergasted when you see bubbles.

Wriggle.
Drool.
Avoid liquid mercury.

Nuzzle.
Suck.
Haunt the breasts.

Whimper.
Teethe.
Hoard doses of Infant Tylenol to sell on the black market.

Fondle.
Barf.
Use a Ouija board to summon SIDS babies into your crib for blood magic.

Snuggle.
Coo.
It’s all up to you.