Reflection

I can sit and eat a fried egg
In a calm way
As if we were meant for each other

Dissenting Pelican

Thirty pelicans, if you please

Pleasantly stuck in a bucket of cheese

One of ‘em said: “I’d like it better

‘Twere it brie instead of cheddar.”

Twenty-nine pelicans said, “What rot!

Be grateful for the cheese you’ve got!”

Dissenting pelican felt ashamed

And asked us not to print his name.

Harold and the Past Simple Irregular

The Thomson kids were all the same

Except Harold—he was distinct

They all dropped rocks in a little pond

The rocks sunk, except Harold’s, which sinked

They all put eye drops in their eyes

And they blinked, except Harold, who blunk

They all took time to think about things

And they thought, except Harold, who thunk

They all fell down and skinned their knees

And they bled, except Harold, who bleeded

The principal met with all of them

Except Harold, with whom he meeted

They all wrote lovely rhyming poems

Except Harold, who only writed

And they all bit into their sandwiches

Except Harold, who only bited

They all made paper airplanes

Their planes flew but Harold’s flied

They all were sad when their dog got lost

Harold crew while his siblings cried

And lint sometimes clung to their clothing

But on Harold's clothing it clinged

And they all sang songs in choir

Except Harold, who only singed

When they put ice cream pops in the freezer

Theirs froze while Harold's freezed

And when they had the common cold

Harold snoze while his siblings sneezed

See, Harold was the one who forgetted

While his siblings only forgot

‘Cause his siblings all conjugated

Whereas Harold conjugot

An Ignorant Sultan

An ignorant sultan named Bean

Said: “I know the words ‘monarch’ and ‘queen’

Ask me: ‘king,’ ‘prince’ or ‘tsar’—

I know what those are

But ‘sultan’?! What does that word mean?”

Friendship Criteria

A bucket of ice or a bucket of gin

Which one of these did you put your feet in?

The rice that you chew or the bug that you crunch

Which one of these did you have for your lunch?

A beautiful rose or an overweight rat?

Which one of these did you put in your hat?

A small baby doll or an old bloody blister?

Which one of these did you give to your sister?

A puddle of drool or a perfect-score test?

Which one of these have you got on your desk?

A soft cotton sheet or a just-severed head?

Which one of these did you put on your bed?

If your answers are ice, rice, rose, doll, test and sheet

Well then, you’re a person I’m happy to meet.

You Don't Always Hear the Ocean

A rude little prankster named Mel

Lived deep down inside of a shell

When a man put his ear

To that shell, he would hear

A small voice whisper: “Mister, you smell!”

guess what I just did

Guess what I just did!

Did you find a spider web in your room covered in fifteen little baby spiders?

Did you find a post-it note and it grew 18 meters in size, and then when you tried to show someone, it was just normal again?

Did you realize that you’re not actually human?

Did you find out who the frog creatures who dropped your mom in the earth were?

Were you pulling down a shade, and you kept pulling and pulling, and found this message in tiny font at the end of this super long shade but before you could read it it snapped in your face?