Salome prepared a dance solo for her pop
She did the twist, the Macarena, and the bunny hop
She danced all night, and when she was through
She asked, “How ‘bout it, pops? How did I do?”
“That was dynamite, baby!” was Herod’s reply
“And for a prize, I’ll get you anything money can buy!”
“A pony!” cried the girl, “I’ll name him Clover!”
But right about then, her mom beckoned her over
“You don’t want a pony,” she began to say
“They’re tacky and kitschy! They are très passé.
Only girls without taste get ponies, my dear.
They entirely went out of fashion last year.”
Salome looked up with a tear in her eye
“Ok, Mom…So what should I have Daddy buy?”
“Well darling, if you want to be très chic
A severed head is what you’ll seek
Vogue recommends saints with flowing curls
But, they’re only for the most popular girls.”
So Salome told her dad she wanted a head
Her dad gulped and asked, “Not a Barbie instead?”
But his daughter repeated what he had just heard
And he wasn’t a man to go back on his word
The next morning, Salome took the head to school
And showed it to cheerleaders, whom she knew were cool
But the cheerleaders shrieked, “Blech! That’s vile!”
Which made the girl question her mom’s sense of style
Martin is just six years old
A clever boy, or so I’m told
Who visits every month or so
His octogenarian Grandpa Moe
Grandpa Moe, for being ancient
Is lucid, agile, kind, and patient
But he's kept inside a nursing home
For his post-barracuda stress syndrome
A lovely nurse named Mrs. Voom
Takes Martin to his grandpa’s room
His room is on the seventh floor
And Martin rushes in the door
He quickly darts across the rug
And gives his Grandpa Moe a hug
“How are you Grandpa?!” Martin cries
His Grandpa smiles and then replies,
“Barracudas chasing chickens!
Barracudas reading Dickens!
Barracudas eating apples!
Barracudas painting chapels!
Barracudas fighting kittens!
Barracudas wearing mittens!
Barracudas pouring coffee!
Barracudas pulling toffee!
Barracudas sewing dresses!
Barracudas making messes!
Barracudas chugging brandy!
Barracudas stealing candy!
Barracudas hunting ferrets!
Barracudas planting carrots!
Barracudas smooching slugs!
Barracudas pushing drugs!
Barracudas wash a dish!
Barracudas play Go Fish!
Barracudas eat bok choy!
I’m fine, and how are you, my boy?”
There once was a snob named Sir Clyde
Who was shopping for paintings, and cried,
“Ah, this portrait’s divine!
It will have to be mine!”
“That’s a mirror,” the salesman replied.
If there’s one things that makes Betty sour
It’s a downpour that lasts for an hour
She takes great pains
To stay in when it rains
And to pass the time, takes a long shower
