Maybe We Have It All Wrong

A novel wrote a woman

And the woman sure was grateful

‘Cause she’d tried to write a novel

And she’d found it bloody hateful.

So she paid the novel richly

With the money from her purse

And said: “This is how it should be done.

And never in reverse.”

Knower's Lament

There once was a man who supposed

That he knows that he knows what he knows

But did not think it equally true

That he knew that he knew what he knew

He lamented: “If only the past

Didn’t swallow the present so fast.”

The Brain Inside the All of it All

Your brain cells are carefully packed

And your thoughts are all chemical rhythms

But the all of it all is intact

And your thoughts are the light from its prism.

And it’s fine to observe your own brain

And pretend that you’re breathing your breath

‘Cause the all of it all will remain

When the ego dissolves upon death.

And though physically you will decay

Like some meat that was left on the shelf

There was never a ‘you’ that could stay
‘Cause the real you goes on of itself.

The day it rained mayonnaise

The day it rained mayonnaise

We all took our sandwiches out

Open-faced

And got too much

George's Sensible Decision

“But Pa!” George said, “Max Buggaloops
Can train a frog to jump through hoops!
And Fritzbeam Grog Garoompa-Rums
Taught hamsters how to play the drums!
And Arnie Mitch Fortuffen-Fee
Trained gerbils how to waterski!"
“Okay,” said Pa. “But guess what’s more?
They eke out livings, boy! They’re poor!
Just how much does Max Buggaloops
Make every year with frogs and hoops?”
George said, “Well, Pa, that may be true…
What is it you think I should do?”
“I think that you should drop the thing!”
Pa said. “Stop training fleas to sing!
Quit teaching toads to dance the jig!
Stop putting bowties on the pig!
Quit buying skateboards for the mice!
Stop teaching squirrels to juggle dice!”
George bowed his head. “Okay then, Pa.”
He sold his pets and studied law.

night and day

when the night comes, cold and darkness

sweep the sun-kissed clouds away

and it’s black out; starless; wintry

and the mist is damp and gray

and the whistling…can you hear it?

you might think it’s just the wind

but it’s distant, lonely whistling

of the cavemen who have sinned

and who live alone on mountains

with their hearts encased in ice

with no company, except

some black-winged bats, some filthy mice

and when their hearts melt, they’re forgiven

(takes a decade, maybe two)

so to pass the time, they whistle hooosh

and cry a lingering oooooh

it’s a sound that’s sad and scary

and it doesn’t go away

‘til the sinners ooooh themselves to sleep

and once again, it’s day.

Super Sale on Wizard Gizzards

Fifty cents a wizard gizzard!

One-time sale for super cheap!

Taste like dirt and smell like hamster

Come and grab some from my heap!

Are they fresh and never frozen?

You can bet your broom they are!

Highly potent, always local

Never gathered from afar

What’s the use of wizard gizzards?

Well, combined with skin of newt,

They thicken earwax, give you warts

And make your tongue fall out, to boot!

So hurry— grab your wizard gizzards

Quick! They’re flying off the shelves!

Don’t wait, or you’ll be forced to buy at
Marked up prices from the elves.