Captain Whale

Here comes Captain Whale. Captain Whale ruins everything he tries to do. He tried to bake blueberry muffins, but he put in hydrogen sulfide instead of baking powder so they came out smelling like turkey butt. He tried to cut a fish out of sequined material, but a huge purple eagle flew by and grabbed his hair by the talons and then dropped him. Captain Whale’s arm jerked around and he accidentally cut out a flamingo. One day, Captain Whale had to do the most important job in the whole 4th grade class: lunch duty. If anyone was getting rowdy or throwing food during lunch, Captain Whale had to nip it in the bud, quick as a peashooter. Captain Whale stood on duty, his whistle in hand. Sally Seastar lifted her peanut butter sandwich into the air. She flicked her wrist, launching the sandwich straight at Andy Anemone’s face. But Captain Whale grabbed it while it was still in the air. “NO FOOD FIGHTS,” he said, in his sternest and most intimidating of voices. Andy lifted a grapefruit in the air. He flung it straight at Captain Whale’s back. But Captain Whale jerked around and caught the grapefruit in his baleen. “I SAID NO FOOD FIGHTS!!!” Captain Whale bellowed. Andy whimpered. Sally sulked. And Captain Whale had successfully completed lunch duty. After school, he ran home, looked in the mirror, and flexed his biceps. He admired his shiny white baleen and his handsome head of hair. “I can do anything!” thought Captain Whale. “I’m no longer cursed!” He had a great night’s rest, with beautiful dreams about Hawaiian princesses and 3-layed cheesecake. In the morning, he said, “I can bake blueberry muffins!” But he couldn’t. They came out smelling like turkey butt.