Limericks (inspired by Edward Lear)

There was an old person from Pate
Who chomped, drooled and spat while he ate
The man never knew
How to properly chew
That pesky old person from Pate

There was a young lady named Grace
Who never could stay in one place
She was quite apathetic
And peripatetic
That aimless young woman named Grace

There was an old man named McFee
Who lived like an owl in a tree
When we gave him advice
He yelled, “Bring me mice!”
That birdlike old man in his tree

There once was a ghost made of steel
Who ate little kids for his meal
With a metal detector
We caught the damn specter
And oh how the phantom did squeal

There once was a silly old bloke
Whose earlobes turned blue when he spoke
We fed him some kale
With some duck eggs and ale
Which instantly cured the old bloke

There once was a family of grouches
Who were made ill by pockets and pouches
When they met kangaroos
They came down with the flu
And rested for weeks on their couches

There once was a grandpa named Lumpkin
Who slept with his head in a pumpkin
Around Halloween
He was not to be seen
That mysterious grandpa named Lumpkin

There once was a fellow named Sluffin
Who married a blueberry muffin
But he caught her in bed
With a cupcake instead
So gobbled it up—jealous Sluffin!

There was an old person named Bryce
Who was pestered by foot-nibbling mice
To keep them at bay
He tied cats to his legs
That resourceful old person named Bryce

There once was a fellow named Metter
Who was born of a large Irish setter
The setter was shocked
But Metter was not
'Cause he just didn't know any better

There once was an old man named Bert
Who always refused his dessert
We all gave him credit
For being ascetic
But nobody envied old Bert