I once knew a man who was not very clever
Or pleasant or smart or kind.
And one day he was forced to choose
To become either deaf or blind.
He said, “Well, blindness is nice because
There are so many ugly things
Just think! I’d never see poop or slime
Or a cockroach’s feelers or wings.”
“But deafness,” he mused, “has advantages too
‘Cause there’s so much unbearable noise
I’d never hear scrapes, slurps, burps or drips
Or the tantrums of two year old boys.”
And as he continued to think, he remembered
More ugly things he’d seen:
“If I were blind, I’d never see
a wound or a corpse or sardines.”
And he also remembered the awful sounds
That made his neck hairs freeze:
“If I were deaf, I’d never hear
A nose blow or a sneeze.”
So that by dusk, he couldn’t decide:
Did he like sight or hearing the most?
And when they asked him, “Deaf or blind?”
He answered assuredly, “Both.”
