The Virgin Mary never whined
A nicer girl you couldn’t find
She was as friendly as a pup
Until, one day, she got knocked up
By God or some mysterious force
(But not her husband, Joe, of course)
And pregnant Mary was a stinker
Rude, obnoxious, and a drinker
Mostly of tequila shots
But sometimes vodka on the rocks
And with her drink, she liked to eat:
She’d bark, “Bring me fried chicken feet!
And tacos and some guacamole!
Make it snappy, kid! I’m holy!”
So Saint Joe would try his best
To meet his woman’s odd requests
But words like “taco,” said by Mary,
Sent him to a dictionary
‘Cause of course, the Jewish Joe
Knew little about Mexico
So when his wife said: “Joselito!
Bring me home a fat burrito!”
Saint Joe answered, “Sure thing Mary!”
And he grabbed his dictionary
Then came home with a donkey foal
Thinking he had reached his goal
“Not a donkey!” Mary spat
Beans and cheese is where it’s at!
I want foiled-wrapped, rolled-up feast!
Not some stupid donkey beast!”
“But Mary…” poor St. Joseph cried
“I tried my best! I really tried!
‘Burro’ is donkey, sure as I live!
And ‘ito’ is diminutive!”
Well, Mary felt a little bad
To make her husband feel so sad
And so she said, “Don’t worry, Joe.
This donkey’s good. Now we can go
On honeymoon! To Mexico!”
And so they walked, beneath the moon
With Mary dreaming of Cancun
But ‘cause her map weren’t worth a damn
She ended up in Bethlehem
“Oh, rats,” she said, “I need a beer.
I'll have to have the Christ child here.”
And that’s how Mary, Heaven’s joy
Gave birth to little Savior boy
And when the wise man, name of Jonah
Came, she asked, “You got Corona?”
So he checked inside his tents
But all he found was frankincense.
But all he found was frankincense.
