There once was a boy in Miss Frillton’s class
Whose name was Horace Pies
And every day he’d daydream
About flying through the skies
He imagined that among the clouds
Lived many lovely things
Like jolly little leprechauns
And unicorns with wings
He imagined that each rainbow stripe
Tasted like a lollipop
With grape flavor on the bottom
And cherry on the top
He also thought that fluffy clouds
Were made of cotton candy
He dreamed of living in the skies
Where life was fun and dandy
Now, also in Miss Frillton’s class
Was a little boy named Ned
For him, the thought of flying
Filled him to the brim with dread
He imagined that among the clouds
Lived a horrid monstrous troll
Who would torture you with lightning bolts
And vacuum out your soul
One day Miss Frillton advertised
“Our field trip day is soon!
Each girl and boy will get to ride
In a big hot air balloon!”
Horace yelled “Hurray! Whopee!”
And grinned from ear to ear
While on the other hand, poor Ned
Was paralyzed with fear
“Mom! Dad! Don’t make me go!”
Cried Ned, as soon as school was done
“Oh, don’t be silly, Ned!” they said
“You’ll have a lot of fun!”
Then field trip day arrived
It was the seventeenth of June
And Miss Frillton’s class showed up
At the field of air balloons
“We’re going to be in this one,”
Horace heard Miss Frillton state
“So please don’t go off looking
For a different one to take.”
But Horace thought his own balloon
Would be a lot more fun
So he ditched the class balloon
And snuck into a different one
Then quietly he cut the rope
That held it to the ground
And as the balloon rose in the air
Well, guess what Horace found?
“Ned?!” asked Horace with a gulp
“Why are you in that heap?”
And Ned woke up and cried
“Oh dear! I guess I fell asleep!”
“I crawled in this balloon
And hoped Miss Frillton wouldn’t know.
I thought she’d leave without me
And I wouldn’t have to go.”
But Horace wasn’t listening
For he saw a unicorn!
It winked at him as it flew by!
It let him stroke its horn!
“What are you doing?” Neddy asked
“Why did you stroke the air?”
“A unicorn!” cried Horace
“You mean you didn’t see it there?”
But at this point Ned froze
And felt a shiver in his soul
For standing right in front of him
Was the horrid monstrous troll!
The troll was throwing lightning bolts
Ned tried to dodge, in vain
Three bolts pierced him in the chest
He writhed and squirmed in pain
The troll cried, “Ha! I got you good!”
Because he loved to gloat
And then he grabbed his vacuum
And stuck it down Ned’s throat
Ned’s eyeballs bulged, his insides twitched
He felt dizzy and sick in the head
And the vacuum sucked his soul out
Which left poor Neddy dead
Meanwhile Horace licked a rainbow
And ate clouds by the bellyfull
He would have been tortured and soul-sucked too
But he didn’t believe in trolls.
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