I have freakishly hot shoulder blades
But please don't fry bananas on them
I have an unusually frigid womb
But please don't keep your frozen lima beans in it
I have vacuum-sealing lips
But can't you just buy one of those FreshLock doohickeys?
I have lightning-quick sewing toes
But hemming another pant leg? Really? Would it kill you to grow your legs just three quarters of a goddamn inch?
I have egg-beater fingertips
But I swear Ill take your chickens to the middle of the woods and pluck them and tie cement bags to their claws and drop them in a lake if you ask for one more omelette
I have toasty hot hip bones but...
Okay fine I'll make you one more piece of toast.
