Smell 'Em While You Can

A shrink who was known as McSnowpeas
Sniffed his patients, and then gave prognoses
He said with a snort,
“My dears, life is short...
So take time to smell the neuroses.”

Del(h)i Belly

There once was a lad in Old Delhi
Who bought some cold cuts that were smelly
He announced, “This old meat
Is disgusting to eat.
Next time I’ll buy from the New Delhi.”

Note to Self

Note: Buttercrunch Toffee is so delicious it hurts to eat. The pleasure becomes so pleasurable that it passes the pleasure limit and becomes unpleasurable.

Tripping Upright

A man said, “What I’ll never get
Is why people say shrooms make you trip.
I ate half a pound
And went dancing around
But I never once stumbled or slipped.”

The Importance of Specificity in One's Will

Said Tim Flin, “Make it say on my grave:
My name, and beneath that: The Brave,”
Well, soon he was dead
And that’s just what it said:
With “My name, and beneath that” engraved

The Parable of Yerrible

“I do think that women look terrible
In skimpy bikinis,” said Yerrible
“The burka-clad chicks
Are the ones that I’d pick
‘Cause their beauty is simply un-bare-able.”

The Last Supper

For his last meal on Death Row, Old Fred
(Before getting shot in the head)
Ate cakes, pork, steak, fries
And twelve elephant thighs—
Turns out the meal killed him instead.

What You're Accustomed To

In the middle of winter, Aunt Midge
Walked nude on the Tappan Zee Bridge
And although it did storm
She felt perfectly warm
‘Cause she normally lived in her fridge