Had snuck inside my house
I caught him in my closet
In my frilly socks and blouse.
“What are you doing, little gnome?”
“Um, nothing,” he replied.
“It’s fine if you like ladies’ clothes,”
I said. “No need to hide.”
“You’re not upset?” the fellow asked
“I’m not. I’m just surprised.
But let me see if I can’t find
Some outfits in your size.”
I found a shirt I used to wear
(I’d shrunk it in the wash)
I also found a wide-brimmed hat
The color of a squash.
“Do you like skirts or shorts?” I asked
The gnome replied: “Skirts, please.”
And so I found a ruffly one
That fluttered in the breeze
The garden gnome was shyly thrilled
“What lovely clothes!” he gushed
“You look just gorgeous,” I replied.
The garden gnome just blushed.
“You think I could come every day?”
He asked. “To try things on?
And wear a different outfit
Every day upon your lawn?”
“Of course you can,” I offered him
“If that’s what you desire.
In fact, I’ll give you all the clothes
That shrunk up in the dryer.”
“Wow, thanks!” he said, “And one more thing…
I know you named me Schmee.
But could you call me Trixie?
I think that it’s more me.”
“Okay,” I said, and now, each day
When I head out from home
I smile and wave to ‘Trixie’
My transvestite garden gnome.
My transvestite garden gnome.
