'No Christmas this year,' I said to myself
'Screw Christmas. Bah humbug. Good grief.'
I cancelled my parties, tossed out the tree
And fed my dog all the roast beef.
I went out on my own for a walk in the snow
Through the frost-feathered meadows and hills
My mittens had holes and my socks were too thin
And I very soon shivered with chills
I blew into my hands to feel warmth from my breath
And rested a bit on a log
Then blinked 'cause I couldn't believe what I saw:
A tinsel-clad, caroling frog!
His neck was adorned with a string of white lights
A Santa hat topped his green head
Crimson tinsel encircled his slimy webbed feet
He was decked out in all green and red
"Have yourself a merry
little frogmas
Let your heart be
light
From now on, your
troubles will be out of sight"
He warbled the song with a voice like clogged drains
Croaked so loud he was red in the face
You could tell all that belting was giving him pains
His voice leapt between tenor and bass.
And although I was grumpy and feeling remote
The sight of that frog made me smile
Despite the cacophonous croaks of his throat
And his skin tone's resemblance to bile.
In fact, I was even inspired to sing
Along with that off-pitch old frog
"Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow"
If the fates allow"
Our voices combined like a reindeer-drawn sleigh
In a wreck with a tractor-drawn plough
And once we'd concluded our cocktail of notes
The song finished off with ker-plop
Too shy or embarrassed to give me his name
The frog disappeared in the slop.
As soon as he left, I remembered again
The chill in my fingers and toes
The sky was beginning to powder my head
And frost nipped the tip of my nose
"So long, you old crooner," I said to the frog
When I heard myself speak, I felt silly
I thought to myself, "Was that frog really there?"
But saw tinsel threads left on the lily.
Once back in my house I ate green beans and toast
Since I'd given my dog the roast meat
Then I mended my mittens, so when next I went out
My hands could withstand snow and sleet.
I spent yuletide alone, but un-grumpy I felt
And when coworkers asked how I fared
I said I had "a merry little frogmas."
Some of them smiled. Some just stared.
