Alas, I'm easygoing
There’s not much that I mind
I keep my molehills molehills
I generally don’t whine
And yet I can’t help feeling
(Though it must sound idiotic)
That I would like, just sometimes
To be a bit neurotic
Now I’m not talking crazy
That’s not my cup of tea
Instead, I’d fancy being
Just a little OCD
I’d follow the food pyramid
And rarely eat desserts
And pick off hair and bits of lint
From other peoples’ shirts
Before eating at a restaurant
I’d inspect its every nook
And ask, “Do you put MSG
in anything you cook?”
I’d check the price of everything
I’d only shop on sales
And I’d lotion up my cuticles
Before I cut my nails
I’d always shut the toilet seat
And put my clothes on hooks
And I’d never ever ever
Break the spine on any book
I’d organize my DVDS
By year and by director
I’d put them all in cases
And their cases in protectors
I never would wear white with black
Or navy blue with gold
And I’d carry earmuffs always
Just in case I should feel cold
I’d shine my shoes three times a day
With purebred camel spit
And for every different pan
I’d have a different oven mitt
I’d sanitize my doorknobs
And I’d measure out my peas
And one-by-one electrocute
My cat’s and puppy’s fleas
I’d never step on sidewalk cracks
Or grass, or turf, or soil
And I’d wrap up all my leftovers
With anti-wrinkle foil
I’d take at least three showers
After every time I sneezed
And get blood tests every other day
To see if I’m diseased
Yes, I wish I were fastidious
Nit-picky and Type A
But alas, I’m imperturbable
Guess I was born that way.
