Penny to See the Lunatic

Penny to see the lunatic! Penny to see the fool!

It’s very cheap! You won’t regret! Come watch the madman drool!

Come gaze into his bulging eyes, come watch him count his toes!

Observe him as he swats imagined gnats around his nose!

Come goggle as he waddles with his dopey duck-like gait!

You’ll win your penny back if you can estimate his weight!

Come gape, but do not get too close—stay arm’s length from his cage!

He sometimes reaches through the bars in senseless fits of rage

You see his thick and meaty hands, as big as cans of beer?

He used those hands to strangle one poor chap who got too near!

Why do I stand so close, you ask? Well, I’m his guardian, see,

I give him everything he has—he trusts and treasures me.

What’s that? You say he’s angry, and his face is turning red?
Oh, crap! Help, help! He’s got my neck! Quick, help! Or I’ll be…